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Light was celebrating yesterday following the death of the World's ugliest man. The electromagnetic force that usually doesn't express its emotions was jubilant that it would no longer be forced to bounce off the gruesome visage of Sheldon Adelson and create "bad optics." Several rainbows were seen in the sky nearby.

Adelson who was 87, passed away quietly at his home in Malibu, California, following a long, painful illness (the walls were soundproofed).

After a brief period of mourning, the search will be on to find the next "World's ugliest man," with researchers looking for the tell-tale signs of snow-pisshole eyes, wandering toupee-like hair, flaccid-anus-style mouth, and blotchy papery skin.

But death has not ended all of Adelson's problems. Following his sad demise, the ground has now refused to swallow his slowly decomposing body. The large, impersonal surface of the Earth seldom makes its feelings known, but in this case it has point blank refused to open up and swallow Adelson.

This has forced his grieving family to travel several thousands miles (from California to Jerusalem) looking for a gap in the Earth's crust into which their deceased relative can be conveniently slotted. 

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