TERRIFIED RUSSIAN TROOPS INVADING UKRAINE BRING THEIR OWN SHITHOUSES
Full marks to the Russian army planners who seem to have thought of everything in organising the assault on Russia's innocent and peaceful neighbour.
Not only have Putin's crack troops been supplied with a week's supply of turnips and a bottle of industrial grade vodka to give them Dutch courage in the glorious battles ahead, but the army logistics department has also sent in thousands of portable shithouses, carried on the back of trucks.
This is so that Russian soldiers, feeling the sudden need to empty their bowels at the prospect of imminent death, can do so in relative privacy.
The shithouses are coloured bright blue, one of the Ukrainian national colours. This is to discourage enemy fire while the squaddies are on the plastic poop funnel. Each Kremlin soldier will then be limited to four sheets of waxy toilet paper - one for up, one for down, one for anti-splash, and one polisher.
Also, in the event that Russian soldiers get slotted, the Kremlin has kindly sent along portable incinerators so that dead Ivans can be lovingly turned to ash, popped in an envelope, and posted back to their relatives, using a second class stamp with a picture of Putin on it.
Not only have Putin's crack troops been supplied with a week's supply of turnips and a bottle of industrial grade vodka to give them Dutch courage in the glorious battles ahead, but the army logistics department has also sent in thousands of portable shithouses, carried on the back of trucks.
This is so that Russian soldiers, feeling the sudden need to empty their bowels at the prospect of imminent death, can do so in relative privacy.
The shithouses are coloured bright blue, one of the Ukrainian national colours. This is to discourage enemy fire while the squaddies are on the plastic poop funnel. Each Kremlin soldier will then be limited to four sheets of waxy toilet paper - one for up, one for down, one for anti-splash, and one polisher.
Also, in the event that Russian soldiers get slotted, the Kremlin has kindly sent along portable incinerators so that dead Ivans can be lovingly turned to ash, popped in an envelope, and posted back to their relatives, using a second class stamp with a picture of Putin on it.
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