SENATOR WARREN'S INDIAN DNA WIPED OUT BY UNCLEAN BLANKET - LESS THAN 1% REMAINS

Hello, fellow Red Skins

It seems that Senator Elizabeth Warren, a full-blooded Red Indian squaw, has tragically lost the majority of her noble Red Indian DNA after an unfortunate incident with an unclean blanket at a hotel in New York. 

The blanket, which had missed the laundry basket before being placed on the Senator's bed, was full of mites and other nasty pathogens that apparently attacked the Senator in her sleep, while she was dreaming of running naked through a forest hunting elk, and wiped out most of her Indian DNA. 

Hotel staff examine the guilty blanket

After having a 23 and Me test, the Senator, who reputedly lives in a wigwam and stands perfectly still outside cigar stores for long periods of time, found that the unclean blanket, as well as the excessive amount of whisky in the hotel's mini-bar, had greatly reduced her Red Indian DNA, leaving only a measly 1/256th of the original. 

The Senator was forced to make up the deficiency in Red Indian DNA by quickly evolving some English and North West European DNA, turning her beautiful coppery skin to a colour like a skinned beaver's bollocks, and her hair, dark as the sable night, to the colour of weak tea with too much milk in it. 

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