SAUDIS FINALLY COME UP WITH INNOCENT EXPLANATION FOR KHASSHOGI'S UNUSUAL DEATH

Artist's reconstruction of how Khasshogi met his end due to vegetable confusion.

With global condemnation rising following the apparent murder of a Saudi dissident at the Saudi Arabian consulate in Istanbul, the Saudi government has now finally up with an "innocent" explanation of what happened to Jamal Khashoggi after he popped into the consulate on the 2nd of October to pick up paperwork for his planned marriage.

According to a spokesman for Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman, Khasshoggi, who was also a journalist for the Washington Post, was accidentally killed when he stumbled upon a Halloween pumpkin-carving party held in the consulate to celebrate the Holy Islamic festival of Al-O'ween -- or "Halloween" as it is known in the West.

According to the statement, Khasshogi who had an "unfortunately large, pumpkin-shaped head" sat down next to a large orange pumpkin that was about to be carved, while he waited for his paperwork to be processed. 

This led to tragic results, as one of the more short-sighted members of the consul's entourage then mistook the renowned dissident for the large squash-like vegetable and proceeded to accidentally gouge out his eyes with a rusty knife and scoop out his brains, before placing a small tealight in the cavity to cast interesting shadows upon the wall.

The spokesman also expressed the hope that relations would now quickly return to normal:

"Now this unfortunate business had been satisfactorily concluded, can we please get back to innocently buying high tech weapons from the West to bomb the living crap out of the Houthi rebels and their families in neighbouring Yemen?"

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