E.U. BOSS JUNCKER AS PISSED AS A FART AT N.A.T.O. SUMMIT

Jean-Claude Juncker, the highly esteemed President of the European Commission, has one of the most difficult and stressful jobs in the world. He has to pretend that a lot people and countries who hate each other and constantly bicker and backstab, actually love each other. 

The only way to make the day-to-day pain of this Euro nightmare go away -- albeit temporarily -- is to stoke up on a few bottles of wine before lunch, several more during and after lunch, and then some vodkas and gins after his staff pull him out of a puddle of puke around five o'clock and clean him up.

In the past he used to hide his "tragic condition" so well, concealing bottles of wine inside slim, 10,000-page long EU documents on sausage regulations, or by pretending to embrace and kiss people whenever he lost his balance and had to clutch on to them to avoid falling over.

But now it seems the drink is starting to get the upper hand, with the "tired and emotional" Juncker looking increasingly like a wino in a parking lot next to a welfare office.

During the recent NATO Summit, the Chief of the EU was seen staggering around, being frightened of stairs, and talking to bees, as other delegates desperately tried to stop him falling flat on his face or puking on them.

The sacrifices that this man has made for European unity are truly immense, and will be remembered by history for generations to come.