CORONA VIRUS NOW JUST 327 MILES FROM EMILY THORNBERRY

The deadly Corona Virus is now reported to be closer than ever to Emily Thornberry, Britain's least liked and most loathed politician, who is paradoxically running to become leader of the Labour Party.

The news comes after reports that the Chinese super-virus had reached Edinburgh, where five people are now under observation for symptoms. 

If the disease has indeed reached Edinburgh, this means it is only 327 miles from Thornberry's Islington South and Finsbury constituency, greatly narrowing the chances of the Labour MP, who is widely considered to be a fat sneering hypocrite, being infected. 

Of course, in such a battle there could only be one winner, as no virus could survive contact with such a toxic individual, who would therefore unwittingly save the world with her coarse laughter, tank-like physiognomy, dead-eyed sneer, and all round aura of putrid vileness.

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