DISASTER FOR FAT LAZY BIRDS AS THEY LOSE FINAL EXCUSE FOR BEING FILTHY LARDASSES

Already, with the spread of affordable gymnasiums and cheap home exercise equipment, fat women have lost most of their excuses for being disgusting masses of fat-shamable lard. 

But now things have got even worse for pig-shaped women with the launch of the "Go Guarded" joggers defence ring.

Believe it or not, but a lot of obese Western women claim that the reason they can't stay in shape is because "it's too dangerous to go jogging" and "we might get raped if we went for a run." 

LOL!

Animalistic rape gang of the sort that can be found in many Western cities.

While it is true that few of them could outpace a determined rapist, it is also true that -- looking at the fat, disgusting bodies of these dangerously overweight women -- any rapist wanting to rape them would clearly need his head examined to see if it had an actual brain inside.

But now even this flimsy excuse for lying around stuffing their sugar-crusted lips with yet more cakes has been blown out of the water thanks to the "Go Guarded," a joggers defence ring, which allows any woman accosted by a sex pervert, fat fetishist, or short-sighted Japanese whaling ship to strike back.

As described by Bored Panda:

If you’re a woman who likes to jog but you don’t always feel as safe as you’d like to, this clever little anti-assault ring might be just the thing you’re looking for. It’s called Go Guarded and it’s a plastic weapon with a serrated edge that can be worn on any finger. It can’t be easily knocked out of your hand like other anti-assault devices such as mace, pepper spray, and rape alarms, and it might just give you a fighting chance should you find yourself in a dangerous situation.

Right, even a fit-looking bird, like the one used in the advert above, would be able to fend off a rape gang, armed with knives, duct tape, and chloroform, with one of these little beauties. 

Kittens got claws!

So, what possible excuse could a human pudding have for not putting on a pair of jogging shoes and squeezing through her front door, safe in the knowledge that her "lady parts" were fully secured against all unlikely contingencies?