FEARS FOR NARWALS AS THE FIGHT AGAINST TERRORISM ESCALATES

The Cetacean Wonder!

The Narwal is a mighty denizen of the deep, cleaving the salty shrouds of Neptune's watery chamber with his javelin-like protuberance.

But now fears for the "Unicorn of the Seas" are growing following the realisation that the mighty tusk of this noble beast is the most effective means of fighting terrorism -- better even than pointless drone strikes on villages in remote Afghanistan or the decorative electronic ankle bracelets used in London.

This realisation comes following the recent incident on London Bridge, where a single Polish man armed with a 5-foot-long Narwal tusk, assisted by a man with a fire extinguisher, defeated a blood-crazed Islamist jihadi bent on committing halal slaughter on the innocent streets of London.

Animal experts and conservationists are now deeply concerned that the stunning success of the tusk in battle will set off a soaring demand for the item among states facing the terrorist menace.

This could lead to international whaling conventions being torn up and a resumption of widespread narwal whaling that could drive this Arctic wanderer and jousting knight of the foamy brime to extinction.

The true evil of multiculturalism is it forces us to choose between our biodiversity and our security!

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