QUEEN CANCELS PRINCE ANDREW'S 60th BIRTHDAY BASH THEN "DEMOTES" HIM TO A 12-YEAR-OLD BOY

Days after the Queen sacked Prince Andrew from his royal duties, it has emerged that she has now scrapped plans to host a party for him to mark his 60th birthday. Less well known is that she has also taken the decision to demote him to a 12-year-old boy.

The decision to "downgrade" the Prince from a highly-respected 59-year-old member of the Royal Family to a naughty 12-year-old boy will shock friends of the Prince, but the decision was taken by the Queen following advice from Royal lawyers. As Patron of the Royal Observatory at Greenwich, the Queen is allowed to make arbitrary decisions regarding the passage of time and the nominal ages of any of her subjects.

According to sources near the Palace -- Speaker's Corner to be precise -- the Queen's legal advisers argued that "backdating" the Prince's age would make it more difficult to accuse him of any crimes connected to underage sex, while also reducing the risk of him being extradited to America "in the event that the whole Epstein thing bursts like a great, rotting, pus-filled wen," as one of them put it.

It has also emerged that the Queen nether sanctioned nor approved of the Prince's decision to give an interview to the BBC. By being technically reduced to a minor, he will be forced in future to get his Mum's permission for any appearances on television, and could also be sent to his room without any tea if he makes friends with any new pedophile pimps working for Israeli intelligence.

Prince Andrew has been accused of being photographed in 2001 with a 17-year-old girl, but strongly denies this claim.

How the Queen's decision will impact the case.

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