"THE ROOM" CLEANSES MILLENNIAL WOES, PREPARING HIM FOR ANOTHER YEAR OF DEPRAVITY & MINIMAL CONTENT

People often wonder why Millennial Woes, who does fuck-all all year round, suddenly becomes so active in late December, doing dozens of live streams with other YouTubers, while everybody else is putting their feet up and having a bit of turkey round the Xmas tree with friends and family. 

Unkind cynics say that Woes, whose real name is Colin Robertson, is merely drumming up donations to fund his dank, solitary, basement-dwelling lifestyle, so that he can buy the vast number of wank socks that he uses each year, as well as overpriced copies of his favourite sci-fi DVDs.

But Trad News can exclusively reveal that this is not the case. 

According to a video recently discovered on the internet, the real reason is that the MilleniYule live-streams are part of a weird "purification ritual" that Woes engages in every year in December at the time of the Winter Solstice, so that he can "cleanse" himself of all the sickness, laziness, and depravity that characterizes the rest of his year. This enables him to embark on a new year of "sex pestery," reminiscing about being gay, and turning out zero content (except possibly for one or two insufferable AMAs).

In the video, Woes confesses that he has discovered a mysterious subterranean "cavity" which not only cleanses him of sin but also allows him to exist without aging or even maturing one day:

"Deep in the rock below this base there is a room. I found it when I first came here." he tells a T-shirt-wearing bearded man. "As far as I can tell, it was carved from some mineral deposit, a pocket of some element which I still know very little."

Despite incredulity from his fellow live-streamer, Woes asserts that simply by interviewing lots of people from "The Room" all his sins are magically transferred onto them, allowing Woes a new "lease of life" and the ability to indulge all his sick and depraved appetites again.

"The room exists and since I found it I haven't aged one day It cleanses me of all the corruptions of time and appetite. I can do anything. I can indulge any taste, any sensation, any vice I wish. And the room [cleanses me]."

It is not yet known what the thirty or so people with whom Woes interacts on these live-streams do with the filthy moral pollution that he manages to offload on them, but a sizable contingent seem to be able to instantly dump almost all of it directly onto the Jews.