BUMBLING BRITISH MAN LOSES BREXIT JUST IN TIME FOR XMAS

A bumbling British man, whose anonymity we will respect by simply calling him "Boris Johnson" (a fake made-up name), yesterday lost the Brexit as he was wrapping up his Xmas presents. 

"I definitely had it," he mumbled as he rubbed his head. "I placed it on the mantelpiece next to our EU-safety-compliant Christmas tree, but after a telephone call from an old French chum about fishing rights, it had completely disappeared. It seems I may have accidentally wrapped it up in one of the parcels I sent to the poor lorry drivers stuck at Dover."

Another possibility is that it was in a pair of old trousers that the man's fiancee, Carrie Symonds, gave to the Salvation Army for distribution to the homeless, in which case it may well have been reduced to a piss-and-alcohol-soaked mess by now.

"It's really been a terrible year," the man stuttered. "What with one thing and another, I really haven't been able to concentrate properly on this Brexit thingee. I only hope people are not too angry that I lost it, and will be satisfied with a cheap replacement."