SHOCK FINDING: 20% OF PRIESTS ARE STRAIGHT MEN WHO LIKE HANGING OUT WITH GAY MEN

A new book has revealed that an astounding 20% of Catholic Priests are straight men who like hanging out with homosexuals, many of whom are also pedophiles. I was really expecting this figure to be much lower. 

As reported by Russia Today:

Around 80 percent of Vatican priests are gay, according to a new book which details alleged secret relationships, male prostitutes and stunning hypocrisy from the most anti-gay members of upper echelons of the Catholic Church.

French journalist Frederic Martel’s new book, ‘In the Closest of the Vatican,’ claims that the more homophobic the priest, the more likely they are to be gay.

While not all the priests detailed in the 570-page book act on their sexual preferences, many are allegedly engaging in relationships with their fellow fathers, while some prefer casual hook ups and others are hiring male prostitutes, according to the review in Catholic publication the Tablet.

Martel’s claims are based on four years interviewing over 1,500 people, including 200 priests, 41 cardinals and 52 bishops, and spending a lot of time at the Vatican. 

Yes, gentle reader, his gaydar is focused on you.

Even though Martal is gay himself he was able to use his 'gaydar', which gay men use to find "hook ups" with other gay men, to "negatively" identify the surprisingly large number of straight men, possibly when they refused to play "hide the sausage" with him.

What is profoundly shocking about Martel's book is the revelation that not all Catholic priests are homosexuals, as was widely believed. Also astounding is the fact that these otherwise straight, normal men willingly choose to enter a profession that requires them to walk around in a dress all day, hang out mainly with gay men, and be in close proximity to young, impressionable choir boys. 

Whichever way you look at it, that is definitely a funny kind of straight. But that's none of our business.