BRITISH COUPLE INVENT EXCITING NEW FORM OF SUICIDE

Britain has been slacking somewhat since the glory days of the industrial revolution, when it invented practically everything. But now it seems that the old inventiveness is picking up again after an innovative young couple devised a new reliable form of suicide. 

The problem that most conventional forms of suicide have is their ineffectiveness. 

Slashing one's wrists or taking too many pills sometimes work, but the sad truth is that most people survive. The UK also has an additional disadvantage. Unlike the USA where "Sad Sallys" and "Depressive Dans" can take their faces off with high-powered firearms, in Britain guns are banned and inaccessible to the wider public. 

This means that suicide is not as simple and reliable as it should be.

But now young innovators Sean Rogan, 19, and Jahed Choudhury, 24, both from the West Midlands, have hit upon a brilliant new method of surefire suicide that simply involves having a gay wedding while being Muslim...or is it a Muslim wedding while being gay? Whichever one it is, this is believed to be the first gay Muslim wedding ever, anywhere.

Thanks to the intense hatred that Islamists have for gays -- especially for gays who say things like "We're going to show the whole world that you can be gay and Muslim" -- this is the equivalent of a near instantaneous death sentence. Already Rogan and Choudhury have received their first death threats and are expecting many more. 

The inspiration for the highly effective new form of suicide came when Choudhury, who is of Bangladeshi origin and openly Muslim, was found crying on a park bench by Rogan. As a bullying victim and sufferer of post-traumatic stress disorder, he struggles to face people alone and can't work. He told Rogan that he was suicidal and Rogan offered to help.

"I tried killing myself and I then met Sean," Choudhry said. "The housing association got us a house in a week and we've been living together ever since. I proposed on Sean's birthday last June."

But getting married was not enough. Next the couple had to plan a full Bangladeshi-style wedding, dressed in traditional Muslim garbs, and get the media to take lots and lots of  pictures and splash it all over the press just so no Muslim can ignore it, especially the ones who follow the teaching of the Koran and the strict Hadith on homosexuality, like this one:

"The Prophet said: If you find anyone doing as Lot's people did, kill the one who does it, and the one to whom it is done."

Basically, I can't see how this new, exciting method of suicide can fail. The only question is how long will the honeymoon be.