DR. WHORE - NEW ACTRESS'S PORNY PAST

ExSPERMinate! ExSPERMinate!

The Elizabethans thought all actresses were essentially just cum-sucking "whores" so they banned them from appearing on the stage. Result: we got Shakespeare!

Sadly things aren't so different today. Scratch any relatively well-known actress and you are likely to find a sordid past of casting couch calls, porno shoots, nudie scenes, and eating someone's puke on "I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here."

New "Doctor Who" actress Jodie Whittaker is no different, it seems. Following her gender-bending appointment to the formerly all-male role of the time-travelling "Doctor" with a cute female assistant, Britain's sleazy journalists wasted no time digging up the dirt on her. Here are a few picks.

Let's start with a coy titty shot from some shit film she was in, but which I can't be bothered to research. No doubt the director told her something along the lines of:

"The plot's really dragging here. Can you get your milk jugs out in this scene to pep things up a bit, luv?"

As you can see, Jodie is a game girl, and was more than happy to pop out her small but perfectly formed breast pills to give the story a lift.

Here she is some classy wank fodder for the educated middle classes -- a nice butt shot with a bit of titty peeping round the corner. Lubbly chubbly! 

On the down side, this is hardly an hourglass figure -- flatpack botty (despite the extra pounds) and hip-waist-bust measurements that are practically identical. But, still, nice to see she hasn't lost any arms or legs.

Based on that, some might say she's a little on the "butch" side, which could explain why she is the first woman in what has always been a male role.

This is obviously a connected scene from the same film. Looks like she's mimicking a famous painting by Velasquez. Funny, but her arse reminds me more of a papercut more than an actual arse.

Anyway, I'm sure there's plenty more where that came from, and if her new job doesn't work out, she can probably eke out a living making Dalek porn.  No, I'm not kidding. That actually exists somewhere. 

In fact it has always existed, right from the beginning of the Universe. You didn't think it wouldn't exist, now, did you?