COWARD "POOPY-PANTS PUTIN" STILL HASN'T INVADED UKRAINE - TOTAL WIMP!

Putin squirting brown fear juice into his Presidential Pampers

Tiny midget coward and pooped pants connoisseur Vladimir Putin is still cowering in his Kremlin bunker, where he is reportedly curled up in a foetal position, sucking his thumb, and having tearful nightmares about giant 2-meter tall Ukrainian "supermen" crushing his pathetic army of cheap Central Asian mercenaries on the Steppes of Russia. 

Weeks after telling his mighty army of tanks to cluster on the Ukrainian border and rev up their engines, the Russian leader has still failed to "man up" and invade his neighbours who have been openly mocking his penis size for years now. 

According to reliable media sources, he has also been shitting his pants at an unholy rate, causing the head of the Russian Church, Kirill Patriarch of Moscow to offer prayers for the salvation of his fear-tormented sphincter in Saint Basil's Cathedral in Moscow.

There have also been calls by some of the Kremlin staff to turn off Putin's torrent of "brown fear juice" by sticking the Holy Dildo of St Anthanasius, a priceless 5th-century relic, up his rectum. 

Meanwhile Russian troops are condemned to sadly wander around the icy forests of Western Russian, pretending that they are led by a real man with the standard number of testicles rather than a limp flaccid pansy who wouldn't look his own cat in the eye.

Right now the West is led by this loser:

Yes, a totally senile man who is mainly interested in crackpipes.

So, anybody -- even a gang of Somali Pirates, Canadian truckers, or the paramilitary wing of the Ramblers Association -- could take it over in one fell swoop. But Putin is such a wuss that he refuses to give the order even though he has spent almost all his money on tanks, weapons, and mercenaries.

The real problem here is that Putin is suffering from deep trauma. As a young boy growing up in Leningrad, he was a victim of constant bullying. In fact, for many years he was the school punchbag. This was on account of his puny size and weak pigeon chest. This in turn was caused by the Nazi siege of Leningrad from 1941 to 1944, which starved Putin's parents of vital nutrients so that when they made him, through cold, unromantic Soviet sex in 1952, he was 3 sizes too small, and did not have enough zinc and protein in his body to later create testicles. This is why he constantly runs and hides, and shrieks whenever he sees his shadow. 

Russia will never be great until it gets a real man to lead it instead of this pathetic crybaby wimp who can't even invade one of his small and weak neighbours when the whole World is looking the other way.