UK GOVERNMENT INTRODUCES "STAY-AT-HOME" ORDER AND "WIND MASKS" AS STORMS HIT

 

Following normal Winters storms, the British government has panicked again like it did when the Wuhan Flu struck, and has imposed a nation-wide lockdown so that nobody will get killed by falling trees unless they are in their houses at the time.

A government spokesman told reporters, "We don't want anyone dying of high winds and cold stuff falling from the sky. This is why we have decided on a national lockdown for as long as wind speeds stay above the dangerous level of 5 mph."

The spokesman added that it was "vital to flatten the curve of people being hit by fast-moving leaves, twigs, and bits of newspapers" in order to prevent the total collapse of the National Health Service, which has been suffering from a severe shortage of biscuits in recent weeks.

Seriously

For the foreseeable future, British citizens will also be required to wear "wind masks" to ensure that they are not adding to the windy chaos by breathing too fast.