HOSPITALISED MAN DENIED LUCKY CHARM

In a shocking case of human rights abuse, an Uzbeki man, hospitalised after a tragic shooting incident in New York on Halloween, was denied the right to put up a small ebony-coloured flag with Arabic writing on it that would undoubtedly have boosted his morale and aided in his recovery.

What makes this story even stranger is that the flag is believed to belong to a group named after an ancient Egyptian goddess that the US government and its allies were supporting until comparatively recently. Even stranger the group in question has for many years heroically fought against an evil tyrannical regime that President Trump himself has accused of gassing its own people. 

The hospitalised man is also believed to have been involved in an unfortunate traffic incident that occurred shortly before the tragic shooting incident. In that incident a truck unexpectedly drove along a bike lane, slightly killing several people.

None of this was of course in any way related to Islam, which, as we know, is a religion of peace. 

In other news, the same man was also denied a request for bomb-making materials, which he claimed would give him something to do to kill the time while he was in hospital. 

(Note: this piece was written by our new intern who hopes one day to write for a mainstream national newspaper.)