"A TRUE ARTIST WOULD HAVE EATEN THE DUCT TAPE"

The art world was reeling in shock yesterday after a man claiming to be "an artist" took the famous "Banana Duct-Taped to the Wall" and vandalised it by eating it. 

More formerly known by its official title "Comedian," the priceless artwork was created by Italian artist Maurizio Cattelan, and was on display at the "Art Basel in Miami" art fair, when so-called performance artist David Datuna pulled it from the wall, peeled it, and devoured it on Saturday, claiming to be a "hungry artist."

"Art performance by me. I love Maurizio Cattelan artwork and I really love this installation. It's very delicious," Datuna later posted on Instagram.

The art world was not shocked by the vandalism itself, as most modern art is itself an act of vandalism and desecration, but was upset because of the obvious normalness of Datuna's action. In fact this was the sort of thing any normal, sane member of the public would do.

A "true artist," by contrast, would have peeled the artwork off the wall and then eaten the duct tape instead, claiming that his performance was a devastating critique of conventional categories of reality or something. 

An even better "true artist" would have pushed the envelope even further -- sticking the banana into his anus while gagging himself with the duct tape, then smearing the now empty wall space with his menstrual blood in a yet more devastating critique of art's pretensions to have any meaning at all.

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