FACIAL ACID NOW AVAILABLE FOR HOME DELIVERY IN LONDON

Previously, to get a faceful of acid in London, one would have to walk around a dodgy part of the city until one of London's many acid gangs rode up on their mopeds to spray you in the face with acid. 

But, now, thanks to a yet another expansion of Britain's dynamic service economy, it is possible to get a faceful of acid from the comfort of one's living room chair. As reported in the Evening Standard:

Police are searching for a gang behind a string of violent burglaries after a family was subjected to a terrifying raid...

The armed gang smashed their way into the property on Cookham Dene Close in Chislehurst on March 5 at 6 pm....

The armed attackers squirted the 81-year-old man in the face with what was believed at the time to be a corrosive substance...

Waving hammers and crowbars, the thieves threatened the family with violence if they did not tell them where they kept their jewellery.

The burglars who came up with this innovative home delivery service are thought to be Irish. As for the family attacked, the only clue is that they were known to have had large amounts of jewellery at home, which would suggest a family of Jewish or South Asian origin.   

Luckily for the victims, one of the family was able to phone for help and the gang left before they could commit even worse crimes.

A teenage girl was dragged upstairs during the raid as the thieves demanded to know where the jewellery was. One member of the family was able to call a family member for help who alerted the police. Once the thieves became aware that the police had been called they fled the scene with the girl's black school bag stuffed with jewellery.

This story shows that thanks to a combination of political correctness and the strains of multiculturalism, London's police are completely overstretched, with the result that crime is now becoming rampant.