25 Nov 2020

MAN IN BATHROBE CONTINUES TO LECTURE NATION ABOUT ELECTION

Made predictions that didn't pan out 

A man in a bathrobe with long, unkempt hair is continuing to lecture the nation about the recent US election. According to media watchers, the mysterious man appears at least three, four, or five times a day on a variety of video platforms with "edgy takes" on the US Presidential election.

These are delivered either in an "I told you so" voice or an "I couldn't care less" voice, while he looks slightly off-camera at the various notes and memos he has pasted up. 

As yet, no one has come up with a reliable explanation as to why the man, who appears to be severely malnourished, is behaving in this extremely odd way.

One theory is that it is a desperate attempt to gain affection from an abusive feline that sometimes invades the "video space," and allows him to fondle it for a few, brief seconds, before haughtily moving away.

The cat continues to taunt the man with its nubile, furry body.

Health professionals are monitoring the man, as well as occasional appearances by the cat, in an attempt to built up enough meta-data to pin down his exact location and take him into protective custody. 

Establishing the cat's identity will provide a valuable clue to locating the man in the bathrobe.

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