BREXIT RISE IN SEX TOY PRICES TO SPARK GAY EXODUS?

Gayfugees fleeing £56 buttplugs  

There are fears that the entire LGBT+ population of the UK may be forced to leave Britain in a mass Biblical style exodus following the start of Brexit. 

The gay, lesbian, and genderfluid "trail of tears" crusade to the Continent would see millions of hair stylists, clothes designers, SNP politicians, and celebrities crowding the southern ports of England in a desperate attempt to catch the last ferry to Europe before the imposition of full Brexit, due on Friday 31st of January 2021. In fact the crush could be so bad that it might even temporarily halt the thousands of boats carrying Third World migrants from France to England.

Fears of the massive gay evacuation have been stoked by "Project Fear" stories appearing in LGBT+ media outlets like Pink News, which recently ran a story about the prices of dildos, butt plugs, and other sex toys soaring. As is well known, LGBT+ people are disproportionately dependent on such devices to gain sexual satisfaction, with the vast majority of the devices being manufactured and tested in European sweatshops by sex dwarves.

As reported by Pink News:

British sex toy manufacturers are the latest victims to fall into the gaping sphincter that is Brexit as new restrictions force stiff charges onto every purchase.

In a brutal blow to European pleasure seekers, the popular sex toy company Godemiche has announced that a charge of £25 will be slapped on the back end of every order shipped to the continent.

The company regrets that it will be forced to thrust the extra costs onto customers as the charges threaten to penetrate their profits.

“Up until now we have avoided talking about the United Kingdom leaving the European Union because nobody knows anything and we have been determined to deal with any problems that arise quickly and with little to no impact on you, our customers,” Godemiche said in a statement on Thursday (19 November).

“After a recent discussion with DHL we can no longer not discuss important changes and impacts that are planned to happen in January.”

Thanks to “extra checks and restrictions” at the border, the shipping company will now charge a cheeky delivery cost of £17 in addition to the extra “European cost” of £25. That means a small butt plug costing £14.99 will now set customers back a whopping £56.99.

Although not all gays, lesbians, and other people of heterodox sexuality will be forced to emigrate immediately by the sudden jump in sex toy prices, it is thought that a "critical mass" of them will, causing a "domino effect," leading to a panic.

LGBT+ people have strongly resisted Brexit. In 2016 a poll carried out by Gay Star News just before the Brexit vote indicated that 77% of its readers wished to remain. 

The sudden departure of millions of non-heterosexuals would mean that vital areas of the economy that are currently staffed by LGBT+ people will have to be re-staffed by heterosexual females. Experts believe this could have a disastrous impact, especially in the worlds of fashion and hair styling, with a lazy reliance on floral patterns and bouffants instead of the more edgy, gay-inspired looks that have dominated UK fashion since the 1970s.   

A couple in edgy, gay-inspired fashions look on in horror at disturbingly charming and twee female-created fashions.