Carrie and Dilyn: "reign of terrier"

Recently a Conservative think-tank called for an inquiry into the role Boris Johnson's girlfriend Carrie Symonds is playing in "governing" the UK:

The Bow Group, which counts Tory MPs and peers among its members, wants an independent investigation to clarify the "position and authority" of Ms Symonds over concerns about her influence in Downing Street.

Details of any meetings she has attended or demands given to special advisors and civil servants should form part of the inquiry, the group says.

But the real "power behind the throne" might not be the attractive 32-year-old former rape victim, but instead her dog Dilyn, who arrogantly saunters around the Prime Minister's residences at 10 Downing Street and Chequers as if he owned them. In fact, Dilyn is reported to do his "dirties" where he likes and bark at junior ministers until they cravenly do his bidding.

A government minister, speaking on condition of anonymity, revealed that the "popular pooch" had urinated on the cabinet table during an important meeting about foreign affairs, almost leading to a war with China.

Johnson has also been forced to pay for damages caused by the ill-trained canine's capers at Chequers, where he reportedly chewed priceless books and antiques, causing thousands of pounds of damage.

Dilyn is a "rescue dog" who was adopted by the soft-hearted Symonds. She is a fanatical animal rights activist, who believes that dogs should have more rights than humans. Johnson is believed to take orders directly from her, but her only concern is what pleases Dilyn.

Since moving into 10 Downing Street, Dilyn has overseen a government task force examining ways to increase the number of lamp posts and fire hydrants in the country by 300%.

As a Jack Russell mongrel, he is also believed to be behind the government's post-Brexit immigration policy, which apparently aims to create a racially "mixed" UK population, made up from Hong Kong Chinese, Third World Refugees, and former White Labour voters from the North.

The stress of being controlled by his girlfriend's pet has occasionally got on the Prime Minister's increasingly frayed nerves. After the Chequers incident, which reportedly left the PM thousands of pounds out of pocket, he briefly lost his temper and said:

"Someone please shoot that dog!"

Luckily MI6, the PM's official assassins, had already been won over to Dilyn's side by his scampish pranks. But this later led to a serious row between Johnson and Symonds, resulting in the Prime Minister being sent to sleep on the sofa three nights in a row.

Johnson -- in the doghouse

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