4 Jun 2019

CUK PARTY SPLITS AFTER MOST POINTLESS CAREER IN POLITICAL HISTORY

Goodbye Change UK and thanks for the acronym.
Reports are coming in that the CUK Party (aka "Change UK") has split in two, and is now even more pointless than it was a few hours ago.

The Party, which was launched recently, was composed of 11 ex-Labour and Tory MPs, all of whom jumped ship from their respective parties in order to "change" the shape of British politics by campaigning to reverse Brexit while also blaming Jeremy Corbyn for anti-Semitism.

Unfortunately for these daring MPs who sacrificed their prospects in Britain's two big parties to launch a risky new party, no one was interested in its message, as it was too similar to the Lib Dems, the established third party in Brit politics. 

After the CUK Party did extremely poorly at the recent European elections, the 11 MPs started to in-fight. 

One group -- Chuka Umunna (ex Lab), Heidi Allen (ex Tory), Gavin Shuker (ex Lab), Luciana Berger (ex Lab), Angela Smith (ex Lab), and Sarah Wollaston (ex Tory) -- pushed to merge the now pointless new party with the Lib Dems in order to save their careers. 

Meanwhile another group -- Anna Soubry (ex Tory), Chris Leslie (ex Lab), Joan Ryan (ex Lab), Mikes Gapes (ex Lab), and Ann Coffey (ex Lab) -- pushed to keep the party going, probably to maintain control over the large funds poured into the new party by mysterious donors. 

The pro-merger group was defeated, and has now quit the party. These MPs will probably join the Lib Dems in the hope of holding onto their seats at the next election. 

As for the remnant of the party, its prospects are dire. Trad News confidently predicts it will disappear up its own arse within days or possibly minutes, and be all but forgotten, except for its hilarious acronym, which will continue to be joked about for centuries by generations as yet unborn. 

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