JOHNNIE WALKER HAS HIS BALLS CUT OFF BY SOULLESS MULTINATIONAL

You are about to have your faces rubbed in more political
 correctness, whisky drinkers. Meet Jane Walker!

Johnnie Walker, the famous whisky brand and male icon, now owned by a soulless multinational, is having something of a make-over.

The company, Diageo -- in order to boost sales to women and signal how "progressive" they are -- has decided to impose a sex change on the brand icon, Johnnie Walker, by metaphorically cutting off his balls and renaming him "Jane Walker."

As reported by The Drum:

Johnnie Walker is to temporarily replace its traditional top-hatted male mascot with a female version of its logo in a bid to broaden its appeal among women and support empowerment causes.

The move marks the first time the brand has significantly altered its logo in over 100 years, with the rejig timed to coincide with both Women’s History Month and International Women’s Day in March.

The Diageo-owned brand will donate $1 of every bottle sold $34 bottle sold to organisations that champion women.

Some proceeds will go to Monumental Women which wants to create a monument honoring America's women suffragists in New York City's Central Park, and some will be donated to She Should Run, which is dedicated to inspiring women to run for office.

The icon of a walking man in a top hat and tails was originally meant to be a representation of the brand's founder John Walker, an actual man, who was a grocer and whisky blender in Kilmarnock Scotland, in the early 19th century. 

Turning him into a woman, even temporarily, is an act of gross disrespect not only to the brand and its founder, but to all cisgendered people. 

More than this, it is also extremely poor marketing. Whisky, remember, is a drink that sells itself by its authenticity and association with tradition. But such things, it seems, means nothing to Diageo, a blood-sucking, soulless multinational corporation that only cares about profit.

This, after all, is the same company that cut all the brand's connections with its hometown in 2012, when it shut down the old Johnnie Walker plant. Production was moved instead to a soulless, modern bottling plant, built on a greenfield site in Eastern Scotland, where the company also bottles several other whisky brands, as well as vodka and gin. 

Who knows, they might also use it for making drain cleaner as well. I don't know, I couldn't possibly say. But why wouldn't they, if it made a profit or reduced their overheads, because that's what this company is all about.

Rather than putting "Jane Walker" on the bottle, the company should instead change the logo to a representation of a rootless zombie striding after a distant dollar sign. Now that would be an appropriate logo for Diageo.

Stock image of a soulless whiskey distillery.

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