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The Yeast from the East: walking fungus farm, Greta Thunberg

Just days after Greta Thunberg complained about "climate change" at COP 26 in Glasgow, it appears that the environmental activist is the victim of her own personal "climate change," with the pumpkin-faced teenager reportedly suffering from "extreme weather conditions" in her own hairy front bottom.

While environmentalists like Greta typically focus all their energies on climate change in the earth's atmosphere, it's also a well known medical fact that each piece of beaver territory has its own tiny "micro-climate," and that poor hygiene management can lead to all sorts of "environmental" problems down below. In fact, many doctors refer to it as "vaginal climate change."

For example, did you know that the pH measurement (how acidic or alkaline something is) can have a massive effect on the vaginal climate? The pH scale runs from 0 to 14, with less than 7 considered acidic, while higher is alkaline.

If all is well down below, the vaginal pH level should be between 3.8 and 4.5, i.e. moderately acidic. This creates a barrier to unhealthy bacteria and prevents yeast from multiplying too quickly, leading to infection. But Greta -- thanks to her poor vegetarian diet, travelling around the world in damp wind-powered boats, and wearing her socks at night -- is thought to have an extremely high pH number, which means she is essentially a "joy to spores" and a "travelling fungus farm."

This high vaginal pH level means that she is also at risk of serious bacterial infections like the dreaded bacterial vaginosis (BV) a bacterial overgrowth condition that causes a “fishy” odour, along with an unusual gray, white, or yellow vaginal discharge. It can also result in vaginal burning during urination.

BV isn’t necessarily harmful in itself, but women who have this condition are at increased risk of more serious infections, like human papillomavirus (HPV), herpes simplex virus, and HIV.

But Greta should be careful about radically altering her vaginal climate too far in the other direction, as an extremely acidic
fuzzy cupcake could reduce her fertility. Sperm thrive in an alkaline environment. During sex, the pH level inside the vagina temporarily rises, making the normally acidic environment more alkaline to protect the sperms as they can make their way to the lady egg.

So, before saving the planet, Greta has her work cut out to save her
hairy baby chute from the effects of too much acid or alkaline. And unlike the wider environment, which can easily be fixed by everybody living in pods, eating bugs, and not going on holiday ever, there are no quick fixes with vaginal climate change. Bearded muffins of the kind that is thought to exist between Greta's legs are not self-cleaning, like certain brands of kitchen oven or other household utensils.

But beware, taking a douche. Although a popular resort in Greta's home country of Sweden, these can radically increase the pH level in the
mossy cleft, completely disrupting its delicate microclimate and even leading to "vaginal warming."

Yes, the
wrinkled love tunnel is a vastly more complicated piece of machinery than a bit of air and clouds hovering round a rock orbiting the Sun. So, let's face it, Greta will have her work cut out to keep her thrush rustler in tip-top condition.


Ragnarok said...

I don't mind vulgarity if It's actually funny, but Christ, this is brutally pathetic.

Colin Liddell said...

Ragnorak, you're just pissed because I took down your Jew hating comment. Don't be so bitter, man. This is fucking hilarious.

Ragnarok said...

Dude, I didn't even notice you removed my comment. But whatever you need to tell yourself.
I don't really get what you're trying to do here on this blog, seems a bit all over the place.

Colin Liddell said...

I'm glad that, in theory, you still have the right to piss off if you don't like what you read here. It isn't hard to do, dude. There a whole internet out there for you to explore. I mean if you don't like what you find here there's no need for you to hang around, is there? That just makes you look kind or weird. Plus you might get bitchslapped again.

Ragnarok said...

Ok, now that was funny. See, I do have a sense of humour. I mentioned neither like nor dislike of content, just bemused incomprehension of your angle.
And I come here cos it's on the list.

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