GRETA SUFFERING FROM CLIMATE CHANGE...IN HER VAGINA

The Yeast from the East: walking fungus farm, Greta Thunberg

Just days after Greta Thunberg complained about "climate change" at COP 26 in Glasgow, it appears that the environmental activist is the victim of her own personal "climate change," with the pumpkin-faced teenager reportedly suffering from "extreme weather conditions" in her own hairy front bottom.

While environmentalists like Greta typically focus all their energies on climate change in the earth's atmosphere, it's also a well known medical fact that each piece of beaver territory has its own "micro-climate," and that poor management can lead to all sorts of "environmental" problems down below. In fact many doctors refer to it as "vaginal climate."

For example did you know that the pH measurement (how acidic or alkaline something is) can have a massive effect on the vaginal climate? The pH scale runs from 0 to 14, with less than 7 considered acidic, while higher is alkaline.

If all is well down below, the vaginal pH level should be between 3.8 and 4.5, i.e. moderately acidic. This creates a barrier to unhealthy bacteria and yeast from multiplying too quickly and causing infection. But Greta -- thanks to her poor vegetarian diet, travelling around the world in damp wind-powered boats, and wearing her socks at night -- is thought to have an extremely high pH number, which means she is essentially a travelling fungus farm. 

This high vaginal pH level means that she is also at risk of serious bacterial infections like the dreaded bacterial vaginosis (BV) a bacterial overgrowth condition that causes a “fishy” odour, along with an unusual gray, white, or yellow vaginal discharge. It can also result in vaginal burning during urination.

BV isn’t necessarily harmful in itself, but women who have this condition are at increased risk of more serious infections, like human papillomavirus (HPV), herpes simplex virus, and HIV.

But Greta should be careful about altering her vaginal climate too far in the other direction, as an extremely acidic fuzzy cupcake could reduce her fertility. Sperm thrive in an alkaline environment. During sex, the pH level inside the vagina temporarily rises, making the normally acidic environment more alkaline to protect the sperms as they can make their way to the egg.

So, before saving the planet, Greta has her work cut out to save her lady's front garden from the effects of too much acid or alkaline. And unlike the wider environment, which can easily be fixed by everybody living in pods, eating bugs, and not going on holiday ever, there are no quick fixes with vaginal climate change. 

Unfortunately bearded muffins of the kind that is thought to be between Greta's legs are not self-cleaning like certain brands of kitchen oven or other household utensils.

But beware, taking a douche. Although a popular resort in Greta's home country of Sweden, these can radically increase the pH level in the mossy cleft, completely disrupting its delicate micro climate and even leading to "vaginal warming."

Yes, the wrinkled love tunnel is a vastly more complicated piece of machinery than a bit of air and clouds hovering round a rock orbiting the Sun. So, let's face it, Greta will have to work like a Turk to keep her cunt in tip-top condition.