COWARDLY BETA-MALE YANKS BEG TALIBAN CHADS FOR MERCY

Total victory

After spending nearly 20 years hiding in their military bases in Afghanistan, it looks like the cowardly American forces have finally had to bow to the superior chad qualities of the mighty Taliban freedom fighters. 

The U.S. government has finally recognized the inevitable, and signed the document of surrender that will hand the entire country over to the victors in the long-running Afghan war.

As reported by the BBC:

The US and the Taliban have signed an "agreement for bringing peace" to Afghanistan after more than 18 years of conflict.

The US and Nato allies have agreed to withdraw all troops within 14 months if the militants uphold the deal.

President Trump said it had been a "long and hard journey" in Afghanistan. "It's time after all these years to bring our people back home," he said.

Talks between the Afghan government and the Taliban are due to follow.

Under the agreement, the militants also agreed not to allow al-Qaeda or any other extremist group to operate in the areas they control.

LOL, these guys are the victors. Why would they want a US-backed organisation like al-Qaeda operating in their country? This clause just emphasises which side really won this war and which side got BTFOed like a squealing, little bitch. 

Speaking at the White House, Mr Trump said the Taliban had been trying to reach an agreement with the US for a long time.

He said US troops had been killing terrorists in Afghanistan "by the thousands" and now it was "time for someone else to do that work and it will be the Taliban and it could be surrounding countries".

"I really believe the Taliban wants to do something to show we're not all wasting time," Mr Trump added. "If bad things happen, we'll go back with a force like no-one's ever seen."

Really, Trump's rhetoric has never sounded more cringe. The poor man is desperate to pretend this is an agreement between "equals" when in fact the US is on its knees here begging for mercy and probably with its mouth full of Taliban cock. 

You can also be pretty sure that a considerable amount of money must have also changed hands under the table to sweeten the deal for the Taliban, allowing idiots like Mike Pompeo to try to spin it as a "US victory." Yeh, the country scuttling out with its tail between its legs after being humiliated by a few thousand mountain tribesmen is the "tough guy" here, ROFL.

The deal was signed by US special envoy Zalmay Khalilzad and Taliban political chief Mullah Abdul Ghani Baradar with US Secretary of State Mike Pompeo as a witness.

In a speech, Mr Pompeo urged the militant group to "keep your promises to cut ties with al-Qaeda".

Mr Baradar said he hoped Afghanistan could now emerge from four decades of conflict.

"I hope that with the withdrawal of all foreign forces from Afghanistan the Afghan nation under an Islamic regime will take its relief and embark on a new prosperous life," he said.

Yup there's the under-the-table US cash I talked about. Wink! Wink!

According to the deal, the US will be allowed to evacuate most of its forces, surrounded in military bases, within the next 135 days, bringing the number down to 8,600, who will remain as hostages until all Taliban prisoners are released. 

Also, as part of the deal, Afghani women will immediately stop being educated and drag-queen story hour will be cancelled in the nation's public libraries. 

In Kabul, activist Zahra Husseini said she feared the deal could worsen the situation for women in Afghanistan.

"I don't trust the Taliban, and remember how they suppressed women when they were ruling," the 28-year-old told AFP.

"Today is a dark day, and as I was watching the deal being signed, I had this bad feeling that it would result in their return to power rather than in peace."

Don't worry, guys, women have a way of soon adjusting to please the victors in any military conflict. I'm pretty sure Zahra will soon start behaving in a way suitable for a male-dominated Islamic society. In fact, maybe weak nations like the defeated USA could pick up some important pointers here.

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