THERESA MAY REFUSES TO GO

After a disastrous election result, in which she actually lost seats and a slim Conservative majority to a communist lunatic associated with terrorists, Theresa May has decided that she is so good at politics that the country wants her to stay on as Prime Minister. It also means she gets to keep her hat budget.

“I wanted to achieve a larger majority," May said after returning from Buckingham Palace, where the Queen, who is also fond of hats, allowed her to form a minority government. "That was not the result we secured. And I’m sorry for all those candidates and hard-working party workers who weren’t successful...blah, blah, blah."

May's Conservative Party, which lost 13 seats to get only 318 (below the 326 needed to ensure a majority) will now be propped up by the Democratic Unionist Party (DUP), which is basically a White Sharia Party from Northern Ireland, opposed to gay marriage. 

Members of the Protestant community in Northern Ireland welcome the news of their accession to power.

Major factors in allowing May to stay on are that the Tories are worried about who would replace her, while Brexit supporters are concerned that a leadership struggle now would harm the Brexit cause.

Steve Baker, chair of the influential pro-Brexit European Research Group of backbench MPs, said: 

"My principal thought is that it’s essential that Conservative MPs support Theresa May as prime minister and make it possible to form the most stable government possible."

But mainly it's because this twat would be the next leader.

Looney Labour leader Corbyn, who promised voters an inexhaustible supply of "gibsmedat," called for May to step down, and claimed he was the real winner of the election because his party gained 262 seats, up 30. 

Corbyn's success ensures that the hard left will now consolidate their hold on the Labour Party and drive it even deeper into the ground by turning it into a full-blown SJW-nutter party.

UKIP, as usual, suffered from an electoral system that favours big parties with support in specific areas (Labour, Conservatives) or small parties with extremely concentrated support (SNP, DUP). This forced UKIPers to vote tactically, but with little to choose between the big parties, the UKIP vote split both ways. 

After a disappointing result, UKIP leader Paul Nuttall resigned, opening the way for Nigel Farage to make a comeback. Speaking in a TV interview, Farage said:

"If the Brexit the British people voted for gets betrayed, I would have no choice but to throw myself back into full-time campaigning." 

Does anyone doubt that it is this man's destiny to one day become Prime Minister?