LONDON MOSQUE MYSTERIOUSLY AFFECTS VAN'S STEERING MECHANISM

Van and van guard.

News has just come over the wires that a white van has crashed into a crowd of Muslim worshippers leaving Finsbury Park Mosque in London. 

One man is reported to have died and several others are injured. The driver, believed to be White, is now helping police officers with their inquiry into this unfortunate traffic incident. Rumours that he is a Bernie Bro have not been confirmed.

As it is early days in the investigation, it would be irresponsible to speculate too much on the cause of the incident, especially as London is a multiracial powder keg primed to explode into brutal genocidal civil war. But one possibility is that the mosque in question exerted some mysterious powerful force that interfered with the delicate steering mechanism of the van, as it passed along the street in front of it. 

Mosques are well known centers of intense "spiritual energy," a psychic form of energy that is known to exert a potent effect on human minds and occasionally on the navigational control systems of aircraft. Now it seems that the same force can also drastically influence the steering control mechanisms of motor vehicles. 

The Finsbury Park mosque is particularly famous in this respect, being connected in the past to such notorious terrorists as "shoebomber" Richard Reid and Zacarias Moussaoui.

In this latest incident, a van appeared to veer off course and mounted the sidewalk, plowing into a crowd of Muslim men as they exited the mosque after midnight.

But this is not the first time that spiritual energy emanating from Islamic religious institutions has been observed to have this effect. All over Europe the increase in mosques has resulted in increasingly erratic vehicle behaviour in a number of cities, including a number of incidents in other parts of London.

The solution is obviously to institute "no driving" zones around mosques, or "no mosque" zones around motorized traffic. As the range of the mysterious affect may extend several hundred miles the zones may have to be equally extensive.

This tragedy could have been prevented with a suitably extensive van or mosque exclusion zone.