People often wonder why Millennial Woes, who does fuck-all all year round, suddenly becomes so active in late December, doing dozens of live streams with other YouTubers, while everybody else is putting their feet up and having a bit of turkey round the Xmas tree with friends and family.
But Trad News can exclusively reveal that this is not the case.
In the video, Woes confesses that he has discovered a mysterious subterranean "cavity" which not only cleanses him of sin but also allows him to exist without aging or even maturing one day:
"Deep in the rock below this base there is a room. I found it when I first came here." he tells a T-shirt-wearing bearded man. "As far as I can tell, it was carved from some mineral deposit, a pocket of some element which I still know very little."
Despite incredulity from his fellow live-streamer, Woes asserts that simply by interviewing lots of people from "The Room" all his sins are magically transferred onto them, allowing Woes a new "lease of life" and the ability to indulge all his sick and depraved appetites again.
"The room exists and since I found it I haven't aged one day It cleanses me of all the corruptions of time and appetite. I can do anything. I can indulge any taste, any sensation, any vice I wish. And the room [cleanses me]."