BRITAIN'S COPPERS STILL A BUNCH OF USELESS PORKERS

Police roadblock

Britain's police officers are still a bunch of fat, lazy, unsightly porkers who are more likely to get stuck in doorways and be mistaken for whales than to catch criminals or innocent protesters.

This was noticeable at the recent anti-lockdown protest in London, where a normal-sized man was able to effortlessly break away from and outrun dozens of blubberly puffing coppers. 

Five years ago and then three years ago the press picked up on the problem of obese policing. 

As reported by the Sun:

POLICE chiefs have had to order super-sized uniforms with waists up to 61in, shock figures show. They have bought nine pairs of the giant patrol trousers for men in the past two years. Met bosses have also paid for three 56in pairs and ­similar-sized summer leathers for a motorbike cop. In total, 624 pairs of trousers in girths of at least 40ins have been bought this year, on top of 7,796 last year.

It makes a mockery of then-Met supremo Sir Bernard Hogan-Howe’s 2015 warning that overweight officers faced the axe.

He said fit cops needed them in emergencies. He added: “They don’t want somebody waddling down the road who, when they get there, is out of breath.”

The [Metropolitan Police] shopping list also included three 50in waterproofs for search advisers and dog handlers plus 52in women’s patrol trousers.

Seven pairs of 44in cycling trousers and a gun cop’s 43in combat trousers were also bought, figures from Freedom of Information laws reveal.

On paper, cops have to undergo annual fitness tests that involve shuttle runs totalling 525 metres, which have to be completed in 3 mins 40 secs, but it is obvious that no one takes these tests seriously. Indeed, why would they, as they are administered by fellow coppers, and, even if they fail, there are no serious consequences. 

The Metropolitan Police said at the time: 

“All job-related fitness tests must be set to reflect the physical demands of the role. Where officers fail, they are given development plans and support to help them meet the standard.”

In other words, they are advised to eat a piece of spinach with their trifle, and given a free pass till next year. 

With Britain's police being increasingly used for sinister Orwellian purposes, this is probably a good thing. The only problem is how are people going to stop actual criminals. I've got a few ideas, and I'm sure you have too.