U.K. NOW TOTALLY DEFENCELESS AFTER WOMAN WHO HAS JUST HAD SEX APPOINTED DEFENCE MINISTER

Just had sex.

For the first time in a thousand years, the UK is completely defenceless and open to invasion by literally anyone, after Prime Minister Theresa May made the mistake of appointing a "woman who had just had sex" to the post of Defence Minister. 

As reported by the Daily Mail:

International Development Secretary Penny Mordaunt has been appointed the first female Defence Secretary following Gavin Williamson's sacking over a Huawei leak.

Minister of State Rory Stewart - a friend of Prince Charles, former Army officer and sometime travel writer - will take on Ms Mordaunt's former role.

Mr Williamson was sacked after Theresa May discovered he was the source of a highly controversial leak about Chinese telecoms giant Huawei, following a high-profile probe into revelations at a top secret National Security Council meeting.

Late this afternoon, Ms Mordaunt was appointed to the senior role. She, like her predecessor, is a Brexiteer.

Mr Williamson's ambitions for leadership have been dashed after the leak - a possible attempt at appearing tough on China - was exposed.

Although Williamson was an embarrassment as Defence Secretary, and was regularly mocked by the Russians and ISIS for looking like a small, emaciated, Victorian child, he was nevertheless of the male gender -- and had not just had sex.

Rickets or diphtheria?

This meant that in theory Britain's shrinking military forces would have been capable of putting up some stern resistance to an invasion of the British island. 

Now that a woman who has just had sex is in the job, the only option would be a humiliating surrender. 

Apart from being a woman who has just had sex, the new Defence Minister is even less qualified than you might think. She once worked as a magician's assistant, studied drama at drama school, and majored in philosophy at a bad university (Reading). 

Really, when ISIS or the Russians finally decide to seize London and enslave the English, the Brits have no chance.

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