STEPHEN KING FINALLY ADMITS HIS "HORROR" STORIES ARE NOT SCARY AT ALL

Literary critic with a hammer finally tracks down Stephen
 King, whose hand is worn out from writing crap.

Horror author Stephen King, who once wrote a story about a clown in a drain, has finally admitted that his stories are crap, unfunny, and a lot less scary than a pretty average US President. 

King made the shameful admission on Twitter while commenting on President Donald Trump:

By "worse" King of course means "scarier." 

This is about right because King's stories are always banal, predictable, and ludicrous in a deeply uninteresting way. But most of all they are just not scary.

I would not be exaggerating to say they usually focus on some dull little town, not unlike his own hometown, where there just happens to be some weird gateway to hell or shape-shifting alien monster inside a toilet or broken pinball machine. 

Usually this is because some nerd kid, not unlike Stephen King himself when he was a lot younger, had his spectacles stomped on by bullies. None of this is remotely credible in any way whatsoever, so it is just boring and a bit sad.

Also King appears to suffer from a pretty severe case of Trump Derangement Syndrome, with almost every second tweet on his Twitter account being a lame attack on Trump, like this "masterpiece" of boomer angst:

Wow, man, ouch!!! That's soooo brutal. LOL

The reason that King hates Trump is actually connected to his bad fiction. This is because Trump somehow reminds him of the big, strong kids that used to beat him up for his lunch money when he was a feeble, nerdy kid -- traumatic yet trivial experiences which indirectly inspired all his shitty novels and dumb stories. 

Yes, Stephen, we hear your dull, uninteresting pain -- refracted through everything you've ever written -- and we don't care. 

King's most terrifying creation, the groping clown Dollardumb who lives in the political sewer from the novel "It" 

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