WORLD MOURNS AS MALIBU BURNS

If there is one thing that gives us hope and solace in these trying times it is the heartwarming thought of the pampered lives of the rich and famous. 

We may be suffering mass immigration, terrorism, falling living standards, the opioid crisis, and the creation of the incel generation, but at least our stars and heroes are safe and enjoying the good life.

But now we have had even that last consolation taken from us by the cruel fires that have raged through the superstar paradise of Malibu, threatening or even destroying the multi-million dollar homes of Hollywood stars and reality TV celebs like Kaitlyn Jenner and Cher.

Stunned by the tragic news, the World's population has gone into deep mourning, with several impromptu events held around the world to mark the tragedy.

In Britain, for example, they even had to break off the Commemoration of the 100th anniversary of some old, unimportant war that was fought 100 years ago in order to mark the grim tragedy that is unfolding in California.

Plucky Brits in the East End of London show their support for the victims of the Malibu inferno, and offer their slum residences as temporary accommodation.

In India millions of people took to the streets to beg their great elephant god Ganesh to send rains to "quash the flames" threatening Cher's mansion and her vast collection of wigs. As there are so many of these, they can only be evacuated by oil tanker, which, in the present circumstances is considered too dangerous.

With love, from Bollywood to Hollywood.

North Koreans meanwhile took to the streets to express their "unendurable suffering" at what was unfolding ten-thousand miles away. 

They showed grief in the traditional Korean way by laughing, cheering, and dancing, and by showing off their missiles. 

North Koreans have not experienced this much suffering since lunchtime.

Korean leader Kim Jong-Un even offered to put out the fires by exploding a nuclear missile in nearby Lost Angeles, which would create a temporary vacuum, starving the fires of oxygen for a brief period.

In Libya, one of many countries that has suffered from America's Neocon policies, but which continues to enjoy American movies, pop songs, and TV shows, young men took to the streets and fired their guns into the air in a show of grief and support for the celebrities whose palaces are now smouldering piles of ashes. 

Several bearded imams then gave prayers to Allah before blowing themselves up in sympathy with the possible damage to the Bachelor Mansion from the hit reality TV show.

Cher's Twitter stream is closely watched in Libya and has been known to impact national politics.

The fact that several of the bullets fired into the air and body parts later fell to the ground and caused severe injuries did little to dampen the grief of the crowd.  

In Brazil meanwhile, the population of the barrios and slums, who especially adore transgender US reality TV stars like Caitlyn Jenner, took to the streets of Rio to show their despondency at the bleak news in the only way they can -- by dancing naked with feathers stuck in their arses.

The sizzling hot dancing is a reference to the sizzling hot fires that have consumed Kaitlyn Jenner's luxury Malibu home.

In Russia, President Putin held a minute's silence before ordering 24-hour-long firework displays in all Russian cities to warn citizens of the dangers of fire to the homes of  American celebrities. 

With tears in his eyes and a grimace of smiling pain on his face, he also thanked America's celebrities for "maintaining America on its present course."

Moscow fights fire with fireworks in a display of comradely solidarity with the Malibu jet set.

Become a Patron!