START SPREADING THE NEWS: GOD HATES NEW YORK - BUT WHY!?

God whenever he thinks of New York

Conservative pastor Rick Wiles may have been wrong, hateful, and even "anti-Semitic" when he recently claimed that the COVID-19 pandemic was spreading among the Jews as a punishment from God for refusing to follow the teachings of Jesus. 

If that were the case, then surely Buddhist, Hindu, and Islamic countries would be suffering from the coronavirus at a much higher rate as well -- not to mention atheistic states like Germany, China, Russia, and Japan.

But there is no denying that New York has been specially marked out and afflicted with the killer virus. While Covid-19 has hit many US metropolitan areas, prompting massive shutdowns, New York is clearly something else.

Here's the latest graph showing the virus's impact on the top 25 metro areas in the US:

Quite simply, NYC stands out heads, shoulders, backbone, and knees above all the others.

So, if you believe, as many people do, that the coronavirus is divine retribution, then one thing is clear -- God really, really hates New York.

More confusing is why the Ruler of the Universe should be smitten with such undying hatred for the city that gave us Tin Pan Alley and the Harlem Globe Trotters.

A New York classic: a Reuben Sandwich

While New York City is rife with unspeakable sins -- some of them culinary -- so too are other major US metropolitan areas. 

San Francisco, for example, is the home of the "cruffin,"  a cursed hybrid of a croissant and a muffin, which is openly trafficked by Mr. Holmes Bakehouse on Larkin Street (closed due to the coronavirus). 

Also the city appears to be run by a group of people the Holy Bible refers to as "Sodomites," actually named after an entire city that God himself destroyed with hellfire for its "perverted" sexual practices. 

Los Angeles too is clearly worthy of divine destruction for its ungodly sins, including the ramen burger and the sushi burrito. Yet both of these cities are doing just fine, with merely a few thousand cases of the Wuhan Flu.

Still unpunished by God: LA's notorious ramen burger

What then is so special about New York that God despises it with a heavenly hatred? 

Is it the fact that they named it twice or, as the song says, that it is a city that never sleeps? 

Other cities are similarly known for their insomniac natures, while many of them have also been named twice or, in some cases, even more times. Istanbul, for example, has been named at least three times -- Byzantium, Constantinople, and its present name -- but it has yet to face the Holy One's wrath in this way. 

Could renaming things too much be spreading the coronavirus?

Of course, conservative pastor Rick Wiles points to the large number of religious Jews in New York City. On his show TruNews the preacher claimed that going to synagogues was the cause of the virus:

"Stay out of those things, there's a plague in them. God's dealing with false religions. God's dealing with people who oppose his son, Jesus Christ. He's dealing with the forces of Antichrist. And there's a plague moving upon the earth right now, and the people that are going into the synagogues are coming out of the synagogues with the virus."

So is God just a big "Nazi who wants to kill six million Jews"? 

Sadly for Pastor Rick, his theory doesn't hold water, as there are plenty of religious Jews in LA, Israel, and several other key locations dotted around the World. But infection rates there have remained much lower. 

Jonathan Greenblatt, CEO of the Anti-Defamation League, responded to Wiles theory:

"This is classic antisemitism mixed with religious triumphalism. It is unsurprising coming from Pastor Rick Wiles, whose 'news' outlet is a primary source for outrageous antisemitic conspiracy theories. As we note in our report 'Antisemitism Uncovered,' the belief that Jewish people are cursed goes back to the Middle Ages and the Inquisition, It is backward thinking and has no place in America in 2020."

So, what else could there be in New York that has so angered God Almighty?

Could it be that the 1968 movie Rosemary's Baby directed by top Jewish director Roman Polanski was actually correct, and that New York was in fact the birthplace of the Anti-Christ, who now walks amongst us?

A tender moment from the 1968 Anti-Christ-birthing movie that was directed by a pedophile rapist

One flaw with this theory is that the Anti-Christ in this case would only be 52 years old. Meanwhile the data clearly shows that the group worst affected by the coronavirus is the over-80s category.

Also, if God wanted to kill the Anti-Christ, surely he could just use a precision lightning strike and spare killing lots of old religious Jewish people visiting their synagogues for spiritual comfort. 

So, after due consideration, Trad News has to conclude that even though it's clear that God hates New York with a holy vengeance, His motivation for doing so remains unclear.

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