POPE FRANCIS URGES PEDO TAX TO AVERT CLIMATE CATASTROPHE

Pope Francis demonstrates his world famous 
'pedo grip' which he claims can save the World.

Pope Francis warned of disastrous consequences if humanity does not immediately impose a "pedo tax" to raise money to save the environment and avert the danger of climate change. He also warned that the world has reached a “critical moment” and there is no time to waste.

“Dear friends, time is running out!” the pope told a group of shifty-looking clerics. “We cannot afford the luxury of waiting for others to come forward or of prioritizing short-term economic benefits. The climate crisis requires decisive action from us, here and now.”

Francis told the meeting that the science was in, and global warming would make it harder for priests to lure children with ice cream. 

“Today’s ecological crisis, especially climate change, threatens the very future of the human family, and this is not an exaggeration. For too long we have collectively ignored the fruits of scientific analysis, and catastrophic predictions can no longer be viewed with contempt and irony.”

The pope’s words Friday went beyond sounding a general alarm and scorning climate-change skeptics. They also urged specific political action -- namely a pedo tax.

"A carbon pricing policy is essential if humanity wants to use the resources of creation wisely," he said. "But I have a much better idea if we want to raise the necessary funds to save the environment immediately. Only a pedo tax can do this."

The Pontiff then offered to be the first to pay.

"Almost everybody I know is a pedo," he added. "Stopping us doing our pedo shit is an impossibility because a pedo's gotta pedo. But if we all had to pay a pedo tax every time we pedoed, then there would be an enormous reservoir of wealth that could them be pumped into rebuilding the Amazonian rain forest and mass producing glaciers. We could also pay for China to manufacture a new Ozone layer and a fresh Pacific Ocean -- one that isn't full of used condoms, plastic, and dead sharks floating about without any fins on them."

Shark with the face of a pedo.

Additional reporting by Breitbart.

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