GOVE NOW CERTAIN TO BE NEXT PM AFTER HE OUT-BORISES BORIS WITH DOPE REVELATIONS

Unlikeable high-IQ wonk Michael Gove is now on course to become Britain's next Prime Minister after he "corrected" his boring public image with revelations that he was once a coked-up wild man, and not just some pixie-faced geek with about as much charisma as a pocket calculator. 

As reported by the Daily Mail:

Michael Gove last night admitted taking cocaine on ‘several social occasions’.

The Tory leadership candidate said he used the banned substance when he was younger and deeply regrets it.

He told the Daily Mail: ‘I took drugs on several occasions at social events more than 20 years ago. At the time I was a young journalist. It was a mistake. I look back and I think, I wish I hadn’t done that.’

‘It was 20 years ago and yes, it was a mistake,’ he said. ‘But I don’t believe that past mistakes disqualify you.’

The drug revelations were also the focus of an interview with Gove on the BBC's main weekly political show, the Andrew Marr Show yesterday (June 9th), where he said: 

"I was fortunate in that I didn't [go to jail], but I do think it was a profound mistake."

While Gove is going through the motions of pretending to be sorry that he dusted his nose with snow, the fact is that in modern Britain such an admission is probably the best way to humanise yourself and become "relatable" to the average degenerate British and Conservative voter.

Before the revelations, Gove was viewed as a genius-level brainbox who would probably run the country efficiently, but whose dull, strait-laced image simply left the voters cold. The favourite Boris Johnson, by contrast, was viewed as a gaff-prone idiot, whose popularity with voters was largely based on his frequent appearances in the tabloids and scandal sheets. 

Now all that could be turned around, with voters seeing Gove as a charismatic Tony "Scarface" Montana figure, while Boris is regarded as something of an old maid having tea and crumpet with the vicar.

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