STEFAN MOLYNEUX DECLARES WAR ON CATS IN TIME FOR XMAS

Tabby or not tabby, that is the question.

Libertarian bad ass Stefan Molyneux has declared war on cats just in time for Xmas. The YouTubing legend, who is always trying to get some money "in the kitty" by guilt tripping his audience, took aim at the small, cute, furry animal in a tweet on Wednesday (19th Dec).

The bald-headed social commentator "set the fur flying" by warning cat owners that their pets were secretly plotting to eat their eyeballs in the event of their sudden deaths.

Needless to say, this generated a "cat fight" in the comments section, with angry feline fanciers accusing Molyneux of cat-racism or drawing attention to his own lack of cranial fur. 

One tweeter even "clawed holes" in Molyneux's thesis by pointing out that her own cat doesn't eat her when she is asleep. Although I am not sure if that is really an argument.

But Molyneux didn't "pussy" out, and continued to back his "categorical" statement, eventually winning the debate by a "whisker."

While many cat owners think their pets are "purrfect," the truth is firmly on Molyneux's side. Cats are increasingly a social-companion-substitute for lonely Western women, who are living on their own either through divorce, childlessness, or looking like this:

Cat-food mountain. 

By making their loneliness bearable, the cats also help to isolate them from society and stop them dieting, ensuring not only that they die alone, but that, when they do, a number of hungry and unfed animals are present, with no other means of feeding themselves  than eating human flesh.

For example, in 2016, a cat owner with an oddly appropriate name was partially eaten by her own cats after she died at home alone. 

As reported by the Daily Mail:

The decomposing corpse of Janet Veal, 56, was discovered on the kitchen floor of her isolated house in Ringwood, Hampshire, on April 4.

Neighbours had raised the alarm having not seen her for some time and noticing that her letterbox was overflowing, Southampton Coroner's Court was told.

Police were forced to use a ladder to enter the semi-detached property, which is at the end of a 100-yard farm track, through an unsecured upstairs window. Inside they found 'a distressing scene'. There were a number of dead animals - including a cat and a dog - in the kitchen and living room, but others had survived.

It is believed the hungry animals had begun to eat their owner after being left without food for months.

PC Dave Ivey said the house had clearly not been aired for numerous weeks and he could not see the floor for all the rubbish.

The court heard that Mrs Veal was something of a recluse and had become estranged from her husband.

Recording a death from natural causes, coroner Keith Wiseman said: 'These animals had been, the officer thought, confined in these two rooms downstairs for what may well have been a period of many weeks, stretching quite possibly into several months.'

He added: 'This too was a distressing experience because it was clear that certain parts of Mrs Veal’s body were missing and had, the officer formed the view, effectively been gnawed and eaten away by the animals.

'One can only imagine the difficulty with the scene the officer was having to deal with.'

Mr Wiseman concluded Mrs Veal had been eaten by her cats after she died as her body lay in the kitchen for weeks.

This will certainly give some cat owner's "paws" for thought. I mean if this woman had a partially trained monkey, it could maybe have phoned for an ambulance.

In fact, we think this is the future for single, childless women living on their own. 

Instead of cats, which are essentially evil, monkeys have enough intelligence to be taught rudimentary morality and simple "life-saving skills," like pushing a "panic button" in return for a tasty treat.  

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